princeromanov:

The setting: Ikkicon 2011; Austin, TX

The people involved: myself, Kaylee, Ashley, Ashly, Bri, Sarah, Katy, Birth Control

To start, let me say that none of us (myself included, since I was the one who invited her to stay with us in the first place) knew this chick was severely off her rocker. We were just trying to help her out and give her a place to stay for the con, and to get our hotel cost down. 

We had a few simple rules: don’t bring strangers to the room, come back before midnight, no dramu, no boys (besides me of course, ha), etc. Watch as this story unfolds and you will see how Birth Control broke every single rule we created over the course of a little more than 24 hours.

First things first. Let me tell you about Ellen. She’s about my age (23-24), blonde, not skinny but not horrendously fat either, just regular sized. She turned out to be a pretty delusional weeaboo; introduces herself as Anna (her cosplay character, the blonde girl from Shaman King), makes anime references to normal people, etc. She would probably be a genuinely nice person if she could only realize how ridiculous she acts and try to fix it. Anyways, introductions aside, let us continue. 

Ikkicon 2011, day one, Friday. Me, Kaylee, Bri and Katy arrive to check into our room, waiting for everyone else to arrive. General con excitement, changing into costumes, etc. About an hour passes before the rest of our party gets there, and they begin unpacking in the room and claiming sleeping spots, etc. (You’re about to find out why we call her Birth Control)

Ellen immediately begins talking (screeching) about how she “has birth control, if anyone needs it, teehee”, and everyone looks around at each other in silent confusion and silent awkwardness, but the weird doesn’t end there. 

Rule breaking number one. Ellen then proceeds to invite a guy she knows up to the room so he can change into a costume (something Shaman King, I don’t remember the character’s name), and the whole time I’m trying to decide the best way to tell this guy, who is an Army soldier, that it’s against the UCMJ to wear your uniform outside of duty hours unless you’re making a quick stop at a grocery story or something, because it was really bothering me. (He was a newbie, judging by his stripes, so he probably just had a big head about it) 

A little background on this guy, its important to the rest of the story; Ellen has known him for years and she wants to be with him, but he doesn’t want to be with her. Classic tragic Shakespearean tale. He constantly tells her she can’t have boyfriends and gets jealous, while he fools around with girls himself. Double standards at their best here.  

Once they leave, we all go down and have a good time at the con (I think we were in Hetalia at the time, don’t remember), returning hours later to change again. Ellen comes back a few minutes after we get there, changing, etc. Me and Kaylee had new costumes, so we were pretty excited, and we all mention something about going down stairs to get our badges. Ellen comments about wanting to go with us, but in our excitement, we left without her. Our bad. When we leave, she invites the guy up to the room again, and to be honest, none of us want to even think of whose clothes she might of had sex on (assumptions derive from true stories, I won’t even go there). 

Fast forward to Friday night, about 10pm. It’s New Year’s Eve, a lot of us are drinking, having a good time. We all pass out at a little before midnight because we’ve been drinking since about 7, and our phones proceed to spazz with all the holiday texts (I left mine on, sorry about that guys, lol). Me and Kaylee both have issues falling asleep, but once we do, guess who comes banging on our door? My first assumption was the cops, so I panic and jump out of bed to answer, to find Ellen standing there in her Anna costume (with HUGE FUCKING BELLS around her neck). Rule breaking number two. It’s a little after 5am. Ellen then comes into the room, making “fucking noises in the fucking night” (quote from my brother Noah).

The drama has just began; she comes ripping through the room, talking (screeching) as if we’re all awake, knocking shit over, including a half-empty bottle of alcohol onto my laptop. I remember laying half awake when I heard the noise, thinking “If that fell on anything electronic, I’m murdering her in the morning.” Oh how little I knew. Then one of our roomies asks her to turn the a/c on, and she’s so retarded that she ends up turning itoff. She then plops herself down on an air mattress and starts playing games on her loud-as-shit phone, and at this point, everyone had been whispering half-asleep “shut up” and other variations of it, but my girlfriend pops her head up and says “Hey can you shut the fuck up… please?” She never shut up, but at least for the next 2 hours I was able to tune her out (that or I just passed out) because by the time our alarm went off so some of us could get up and get down to the panel we were on, she was gone.

Day two, Saturday. The Hetalia AAN panel went pretty mad awesome (besides me showing up as a hung over England under my Tinkerbell blanket), and the Kingdom Hearts photoshoot we hosted went well (besides some Vocaloid shits that refused to leave even when I politely told them we had the space reserved for that time on the online forums). 

We go back to the room at about 5pm, and someone finally is brave enough to bring up how annoying the previous night was while we were making sammiches and ramen for our dinner. Suddenly, there came a knock on the door, and everyone goes silent, thinking it’s the cops coming to tell us to shut the fuck up since we’re being pretty loud. However, when we check the peep hole, we realize its some guy we’ve never seen in our lives. He’s standing there knocking, and texting angrily on his phone as we’re all taking turns looking through the peep hole and giving each other “wtf” glances. 

Cue rule breaking number three, four and five; intense dramu and bringing some guy you met 3 hours ago back to our room.

When the random guy leaves, he returns not five minutes later with Ellen in tow; and we really have no idea if she flipped tables because we wouldn’t let some strange man into our room or if we did something she found unsavory, but she walks into the room in full costume and screeches “I’M TAKING MY SHIT AND LEAVING.” So, while she’s packing her shit in preparation of leaving, we all go down the hall (minus Katy, who is an extremely sick France laying on one of the beds) to discuss how the actual fuck Ashley, Sarah and Ashly are going to get home when Ellen leaves; since she is essentially leaving and stranding 3 people four hours from home with no thoughts to how they would get home. We finally get a hold of some of our other friends who can take home 2 of our stranded roomies, leaving one for me to take back. Problem solved. 

In a moment of hilarious troll-worthy courage, Ashly jumps up and says “I’m gonna go help her pack.” and goes back to the room, while we sit there for a few minutes to confirm the driving arrangements home, when the random guy comes back with a soda from our room and asks if he can have it. When we ask him how he knows Ellen, he replys; “I met her about three hours ago, I’m sorry.” He, like us, had no clue what a batshit psycho this chick was.

So, after a few more minutes, we finally gather our courage and return to the room just in time to watch Ellen dramatically toss her shit into the six bags she brought, crying like something out of a soap opera. Apparently, the reason she was upset was because the guy she brought to our room on Friday told her he didn’t want anything to do with her and just left the con, probably ending their friendship forever or something. I am inclined to have zero sympathy for this situation because he made it pretty clear that he didn’t want to date her in the first place, she was just following a misguided, blinded, and stupid path. 

Whatever. Anyways, so we are all sitting on the bed with our sick France and casually chatting, occasionally speaking louder to be heard by each other over her screeching and crying (“Noooo friendssss, I have NOOOO FRIENDSSSSS!!!”), trying hard not to laugh hysterically at the display. 

Now, go ahead and call us pretentious dicks. Heartless bitches. Horrible friends. Whatever. You weren’t there, you have no idea how ridiculous and stressful this situation was on us. 

Finally, Ellen and the random guy gather all six of her bags and leave. As she’s walking through the door, she exclaims “I’m driving home on zero hours of sleep!!” Well, then. That is why you should sleep at cons, children. I have no sympathy for that either, because that’s your own bitch-ass fault. 

After she gets the fuck out, everyone is silent for a good minute, before someone points out how much fucking space we have now that she’s left, and we proceed to have the best night ever just sitting around on the floor space we didn’t have before talking and joking together. All was well. We even made a video of Ashly imitating the hilarious display Ellen made while packing her shit. Debating leaving that video here.  

Ashly, after the con, found Three-Hour-Man on Facebook, only to find out that he’s now dating Ellen. He replys to our inquiries of why he would do that with: “Well she’s paying for my cons, I don’t care, I can always just leave.” Bravo, good sir. 

After the con, she then proceeded to write a deluded, untrue journal on her dA about the incident, and every attempt from us and our friends to correct her delusional was deleted and blocked. Heard she’s now cosplaying a Raisins Girl in the South Park group a few of my friends are a part of. You guys have henceforth been warned and alerted. 

I feel bad about doing this, but here’s a picture of her. 

Wait. No, I don’t feel bad. Look at that computer held up by a walker. Hilarious. 

Anyways, now that all my followers thing I’m a horrible human being for retelling this story and having zero sympathy whatsoever, I leave you with these words: Never trust no bitch. 

Might upload that video later.